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Warning [2] Undefined property: MyLanguage::$ratings_update_error - Line: 5 - File: showthread.php(772) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.8 (Linux)
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naśladowanie z Mickiewicza czyli o magii świąt
#1
Na święta pół żartem pół serioSmile naśladowanie z Mickiewicza czyli o magii świątWink
pozdrawiam serdecznie
k

Wpłynąłem na ludnego bezmiar Supersamu
Wóz nurza się w regałach wśród towarów brodzi
Wśród promocji i przecen wśród ludzi powodzi
Omijam sterty kiczu tandety i chłamu

Już mrok zapada nigdzie kolejki do kasy
Patrzę w sufit i szukam do wolności drogi
Tam z dala błyszczy exit? Tam koniec tak drogi?
Więc płynę poprzez morze cukru soli kaszy.

Stójmy! Jak cicho? Słyszę autobusu silnik
Którego nie doścignę chociaż taka wola
Zatem ruszam piechotą wściekły i bezsilny
Po dziurawych chodnikach brnę w śniegu do kolan
W tej męce do was wszystkich krzyczę: w dniu wigilii
świąt wesołych wam życzę, słucham nikt nie woła.
"W tym bajorze, co z naszych czasów pozostanie
Lękam się, że po władzę sięgną chrześcijanie..."
Odpowiedz
#2
Tak mi się skojarzyło:
"Jedzmy! Nikt nie woła..."
Odpowiedz
#3
k. napisał(a):Już mrok zapada nigdzie kolejki do kasy
Raczej: wszędzie kolejki do kasy Smile. Co ponadto byłoby jasną przyczyną spóźnienia się na darmobus Smile.
I może: "To tam koniec drogi"?
Odpowiedz
#4
ja mam nazwę; Sonety sklepowe Big Grin
Odpowiedz
#5
"Sklepy hipermańskie" Big Grin
[size=85][color=darkgrey][i]Jak jest tylko śmiesznie – może być niewesoło[/i]
Edward Dziewoński[/color][/size]
Odpowiedz
#6
Bardzo, bardzo mi się podoba Big Grin
A określenia darmobus nie slyszałam nigdy, kapitalne.
[b][size=85]Dziś gra się słońcem football-match ogromny!
Bóg strzela gole - po ludzku, wspaniale!
Dziś skok na ziemię z nieba karkołomny,
Cesarskie cięcie i salto mortale![/size][/b]
Odpowiedz
#7
Bardzo mi siê podoba, naprawdê olbrzymia dawka humoru, a przy okazji talentu literackiego.
Nim utonê w na najg³êbszy sen
chce jeszcze us³yszeæ
chce jeszcze us³yszeæ
wrzask motyla
Odpowiedz
#8
Cudowne!
Odpowiedz
#9
dzięki wielkieSmile
Simon napisał(a):"Jedzmy! Nikt nie woła..."

myślałem o tym i szczerze mówiąc nie pamiętam dlaczego tak nie zostało Wink mogłoby też być "jedzmy! ktoś zawołał" ale jeszcze o tym pomyślę Smile
Karol napisał(a):Raczej: wszędzie kolejki do kasy Smile . Co ponadto byłoby jasną przyczyną spóźnienia się na darmobus Smile

chyba faktycznie byłoby lepiej-bo też zgubić sie można równie łatwo w nadmiarze jak i w braku Smile
Karol napisał(a):"To tam koniec drogi"?

no właśnie tu jest problem, bo jednak żeby nie rymować dwa razy rzeczownika trzeba podkreślić że za drugim razem idzie przymiotnik-choć zdaję sobie sprawę że nie jest to najzgrabniejsze wyjście to chyba tak jak jest musi zostać.
pozdrawiam serdecznie
k
"W tym bajorze, co z naszych czasów pozostanie
Lękam się, że po władzę sięgną chrześcijanie..."
Odpowiedz
#10
Tę dwuznaczność "załapałam" dopiero po napisaniu posta (cóż, blondynka :rotfl: ). "Jedzmy! - ktoś zawołał" - podoba mi się.


Darmobus - nie wiem, skąd znam, ale znam od dawna... z takich żartobliwych określeń podoba mi się też "pijomat" - jako określenie automatów z napojami Smile
Odpowiedz
#11
Mi się podoba np. samo-chód na określenie automobilu.
Odpowiedz


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